Can you relate?
There is a Monster in the House
Gentleness warning- child endangerment
Do you know what it’s like to live with a Monster in your house?
This Monster held no form but had the ability to take several in fact, seemingly at will.
One day you would encounter him and he was smiling and cooking in the kitchen, creating magic with his hands.
The next, he turned into a giant with arms that reached forever, taking pleasure in the pain he afflicted.
As a child, I believed he lived in our basement with all the scary stuff. He hid in the shadow, silently watching and waiting.
I spent many an hour on the stairs dropping notes down the furnace vents, notes filled with happiness and joy. Sometimes, I would even stuff cash into its metal cage, possibly hoping my birthday money would make him less angry.
Even though I was young, I already sensed that the Monster changed the energy in our home.
Six children became very good at adjusting to the vibration this creature had. We eventually became so sensitive to reading energy some of us made it a life choice–tiptoeing if we detected the slightest hint of anger, protecting the younger, less aware members.
Laying in bed, I could hear the rumbling of the Monster as he woke from his rest. I would pull the blankets right around my head, not caring that breathing was difficult.
To be small and invisible was the way to escape the wrath of this being. When would the others realize this wisdom I held?
And, when would my strategies stop working?
The Monster brought pain, terror, and so much anger. He shook the foundation of the crumbling home, the cracks threatened to topple the house.
There was an escape from the Monster. He slept and while he rested when we behaved normally: young, loud, and free…without fear.
Sometimes, when the Monster would return, he brought with him gifts, perhaps to buy your silence. He was kind, almost like he understood the wrath being waged on his family.
Then the Monster stepped in and took control again.
I wish I could say he resembled the Grover-type monster from my favorite childhood show. But, alas, he did not. He looked exactly like my father.
When you grow up with a Monster in your house, it changes you.
It takes your sense of safety. The need to protect yourself is ingrained at a cellular level. You don’t know how to trust.
Healing is hard because you have to feel safe enough to trust and be protected enough to lean into healing.
When the Monster recently entered his eternal sleep, I was given one last present from the man. The gift he gave me will forever be his legacy.
It’s the gift of strength, courage and growth. I learned by contrasting who I was by watching what I wasn’t. The Monster was what I could have been if I had not known better.